Have you ever felt the pressure to succeed in this life?To just be great, have an excellent job that brings in a lot of money . . . the pressure to just do.To do more than just be average, to come up with all these ideas that inevitably just end up in a box somewhere undiscovered by society.The presure to have it all together, to not struggle, ever!To be more & somehow within it all . . . lose yourself & your identity as a person; as an individual.
I have so many questions right now.Like was I brought here to Seattle to just struggle?To be closer to God; I know that, but now I have concerns about finances.But I know Jehoveh Jireh, He's my provider.But I also know that God must have something down the road waiting for me like He had Annanias waiting for Paul when he was turned from Saul on the road to Damascus & became blind.In the past experiences I've had, I've learned not to want to see in the future.I also know that if I did have that talent that I may be depressed all the time because my heart wouldn't be able to handle all of it.
I know I don't want to go into Interior Design.Right now has been the worst ever for me, it's the first time I've not enjoyed drawing.It's like I make it a burden for homework.Now that I have to draw all these things, it's no fun anymore.
I know I want to be totally surrendered to God, but I think that's what is frightening me the most.To not be in control of my life; to say "here God, you take the wheel & I'll just ride & watch."You know how nervous I get riding in the passenger side!
So it's a for sure thing that I still want to major in Spanish.But now I have to deicide what my career is going to be.I have to decide soon . . . Sometimes I wish it was easier to know what career path to follow, I wish that God could just lay my life plans out in front of me so I could see where I'm suppose to end up.I want to have a good job that brings in a decent income, but that is where I leave off & God takes the lead.
1 comment:
Zita, how true you are. Life isn't always clear cut, and God's plans aren't laid out in front of us to just walk up and follow. But it's that journey, it's about finding comfort and security in your relationship with Him during these hard times that is so much more fulfilling than actually being 'in the right place'. And that's what having a relationship is all about, trusting one another and finding peace through it all, despite grim circumstance. You might not have known a year ago that you would have changed your mind about continuing on with Seattle, but think on the good times, the friendships made and the impact you had on pointing others to Christ. How many seeds were planted, how many names will be written in the Lambs Book of Life because Zita Stillings told them of Jesus and the difference He has made in her life? You'll never know till that glorious day when you reach your home in Heaven... and that's something else that you can put stock in, knowing that this world isn't our home and that there isn't a place for us to 'end up'...except Heaven. My prayer for you is to be eternally minded and firmly grounded with a lasting and passionate relationship with Christ, setting aside all things that hinder you from being able to bring a smile to your Father's face... and if that means laying aside Interior Design, then you're already on your way...just keep in mind your destination....
I want you to know...
I love you and I pray for you constantly, and you're never far from my thoughts.
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